Life is a progression, maybe round in circles, maybe backwards, maybe onwards and upwards. But staying static is not an option. (If you disagree, look in the mirror at the wrinkles, grey hairs, or no hair depending on your age/gender, and other inescapable signs of the moving forward process.)
One of the amazing things about having a coach is that is makes this process visible. Otherwise you can tick along living your life, not taking into account if you are going forwards or backwards or just plain round in circles.
As you work towards your goal you experience "resistance" (which feels like being a completely failure for a while) but as you look at what happened and what you did (this is called finding the learnings) then you can see your way clear about what to do next.
At this point, you have a choice. Am I happy to stay where I am, in my newly developed comfort zone, or do I want to step up. Personally I think I always choose stepping up. sometimes I make a bit of a mess of it, but once I can recognise it for what it is, I'm up for the challenge. (To be honest sometimes i need the proverbial kick you-know-where)
I've bleated on and on in here about setting boundaries and stuff, but this week I've actually been busy putting it into practice. As soon as you know what your expectations are for the situation, then you can set a boundary. One thing I noticed is that sometimes this means you have to push away a bit, and other times it means letting others come in a bit closer.
In fact one of the best things I've discovered is that once you know where your boundaries are, it makes life less of a battle, the struggle disappears and instead you can have effortless relationships on any level that you choose.
In my dealings with my colleagues it works differently to my dealings with my staff, and with my friends, again different. But the same basis is working for me every time. Once I know what the base line is and the expectation, then it is a piece of cake to work out where the boundaries should lie. In some relationships you equally share responsibility, in others you hold people accountable. Also sometimes you just allow people to follow their own process and recognise that it doesn't effect you.
Thanks to Mike who wrote out for me the boundaries of our Coaching relationship and showed me the way to use this tool to work out the rest of my life.
The boundaries as a parent are different of course, but being a parent who is sick changes things too. The best thing for me as a working parent this week has been that because I'm feeling physically unwell, at the end of the day I just lie on the sofa and the kids come and snuggle up to me and we just hang out (Piha Rescue is back on - hurray!) I'm much more aware of what the kids are up to and where they are at, just because I'm there with them. My stepping back from doing stuff has allowed both the elder children, but particularly James to stepped up and he now has the opportunity to shine and is really playing his part as a functioning member of our family.
Watching James this week and reflecting on it, shows me that as I function within my own boundaries, it gives others around me to step up also. On the work front my dealings with a misbehaving staff member has shown up his inexcusable bad behaviour. Normally I would have let him away with it, but by drawing a line, a whole lot of behaviours have become visible to all of us (and hopefully to himself!)
I can't believe what a difference it's made. I love being able to step up!
One of the amazing things about having a coach is that is makes this process visible. Otherwise you can tick along living your life, not taking into account if you are going forwards or backwards or just plain round in circles.
As you work towards your goal you experience "resistance" (which feels like being a completely failure for a while) but as you look at what happened and what you did (this is called finding the learnings) then you can see your way clear about what to do next.
At this point, you have a choice. Am I happy to stay where I am, in my newly developed comfort zone, or do I want to step up. Personally I think I always choose stepping up. sometimes I make a bit of a mess of it, but once I can recognise it for what it is, I'm up for the challenge. (To be honest sometimes i need the proverbial kick you-know-where)
I've bleated on and on in here about setting boundaries and stuff, but this week I've actually been busy putting it into practice. As soon as you know what your expectations are for the situation, then you can set a boundary. One thing I noticed is that sometimes this means you have to push away a bit, and other times it means letting others come in a bit closer.
In fact one of the best things I've discovered is that once you know where your boundaries are, it makes life less of a battle, the struggle disappears and instead you can have effortless relationships on any level that you choose.
In my dealings with my colleagues it works differently to my dealings with my staff, and with my friends, again different. But the same basis is working for me every time. Once I know what the base line is and the expectation, then it is a piece of cake to work out where the boundaries should lie. In some relationships you equally share responsibility, in others you hold people accountable. Also sometimes you just allow people to follow their own process and recognise that it doesn't effect you.
Thanks to Mike who wrote out for me the boundaries of our Coaching relationship and showed me the way to use this tool to work out the rest of my life.
The boundaries as a parent are different of course, but being a parent who is sick changes things too. The best thing for me as a working parent this week has been that because I'm feeling physically unwell, at the end of the day I just lie on the sofa and the kids come and snuggle up to me and we just hang out (Piha Rescue is back on - hurray!) I'm much more aware of what the kids are up to and where they are at, just because I'm there with them. My stepping back from doing stuff has allowed both the elder children, but particularly James to stepped up and he now has the opportunity to shine and is really playing his part as a functioning member of our family.
Watching James this week and reflecting on it, shows me that as I function within my own boundaries, it gives others around me to step up also. On the work front my dealings with a misbehaving staff member has shown up his inexcusable bad behaviour. Normally I would have let him away with it, but by drawing a line, a whole lot of behaviours have become visible to all of us (and hopefully to himself!)
I can't believe what a difference it's made. I love being able to step up!
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