What's so...

Now that I'm over 9 weeks pregnant, it's more than time to find myself a midwife. Actually it's been way harder than I imagined, health care in NZ being what it is. I've been putting this off, even though I know you have to do it straight away, and although I knew it was because I'm challenged by this whole having another baby scenario, I felt like I was missing something. Sometimes when you are facing a challenge, it helps to know what it is.

Ok here it is...

I want a little baby who will look at us.

A baby who doesn't just cry and cry.

A child who can connect with us.

A child who will smile.

A child who will make baby noises.

A baby we can hug and cuddle.

A baby we can touch.

Nothing else matters. Is that too much to ask? And because this is what I want, I know I'm holding back on loving this baby in case he or she can't love us back. We've been there and it's hard, hard, hard.