Learning to live an authentic life...

New home

2008-12-01T13:06:00.000-08:00

My new home is here... please come by and visit!

Thanks it's been great, but I'm looking forward to a fresh start.

Closing

2008-12-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of closing this blog and integrating my thoughts into the things that I do. This blog has been a fantastic way for me to catalogue and observe my thoughts and my journey, but now i feel like the journey is part of who I am right now. I have another blog where I take photos of the things I make and what we do as a family, and I think I might make a fresh start with both of them!

Blogging has become such a habit for me that I don't want to stop, I enjoy looking back at what I've done, and (very occasionally) someone comments! But mostly I really just do this for myself!

Feel free to comment if you have an opinion on this, I'd love some feedback.

Notice....

2008-12-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

Love this which is from the Buy My Bikes shop in San Juan Capistrano.

Worn out?

2008-11-27T12:27:00.000-08:00

This bear looks like I feel. I'm worn out! How can I make all this slow down for a while? I seriously don't want to let the team down, but I need to make some changes. Any suggestions??

8 ways to stay on track till Christmas....

2008-11-23T16:03:00.000-08:00

Monday is a good day to take stock. It's good to take a moment, and look at what you are acheiving and see if you are on track. The week before last I had the audit and last week I was busy finishing off the tasks for that. This week I come back to my incredibly messy desk (when did that happen again?) and ask myself... am I losing my way?

Here are some of my thoughts....

It is quite challenging to stay focussed when you are running on empty! find a way to replenish the energy tank. there is no point is completely running out of steam.
Focus on the most important things with the end time line in view. Some things are important, but now could be left till after Christmas. Now is absolutely the time to prioritise.
Keep your work environment tidy and simple.
Do one task at a time.
Write everything down.
Schedule stuff if your diary. This is important.
Don't forget to have some fun with your co-workers. The end of the year is an opportunity to lighten up a little!
Remember the pleasureable end result... there are holidays coming, you will enjoy them all if there are not a whole lot of things clamouring for attention.

No Fear

2008-11-18T12:39:00.001-08:00

http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/323215/No_Fear

Thought for the day...

2008-11-18T12:33:00.000-08:00

“Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another”

Truth....

2008-11-17T21:47:00.000-08:00

I was talking to Mike yesterday doing this process, and he was saying how that maybe for me the theme for next year is to be living the "Zen" way and I just want to focus on a few things rather than be spread too thin. So I said, well I'm sure that we can find a christian version of that! by which I meant, that although I agreed with what he was saying, I want it to line up with my christian faith. I was thinking about what Rob Bell says, that all truth is God's truth (have you read Velvet Elvis yet? if not why not!) and so I looked up what Zen means and it basically means to medidate. I think that it means "focus" to most people. And to focus is something that we can all do.

Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives! How many times do I have to go over these things? Luke 9:40-42

Yes, we can have zen in our lives! we can live focussed on God, who is the Source of all Truth, we can meditate on His ways and His plans for our lives. I absolutely sign up for that!

Miracles do happen...

2008-11-17T21:40:00.000-08:00

Look at this beautiful girl! I prayed for a girl after we had Reuben, but that prayer wasn't answered, I thought, but God's timing is so different to ours. Opening our hearts to this baby has been a real opportunity for David and I to be open to the possibilities of what another new life will bring to our family. Yes it wasn't on our agenda any more, but this baby has already done more for us and our relationship, than any other of our children. She is so precious to us already and we have hopes and dreams that she will let us love her and get to know her.

Grow strong little one... your family is waiting to meet you!

2009

2008-11-16T15:19:00.001-08:00

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,

Having an Audit

2008-11-12T10:21:00.000-08:00

"Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames." 1 Corinthians 3: 12-15

Yesterday I had an auditor come and go through all my systems with a fine tooth combed. It was great - I loved the fact that she would ask for something and I could find it easily - I'm sure she didn't realise what an amazing achievement this is! Anyway we almost passed, I've got about 6-8 minor things to fix and then we get Bronze, Silver and Gold.

I can't tell you how happy I am, I've been working towards this for months and months. I'm also completely tired out, even my toenails are tired! But its so worth it. I get the day off today and come Monday I'll be ready to nail this thing shut.

I had a call from Mike yesterday about a different sort of audit. He's doing end of year sessions and setting goals for next year. It's funny how the end of a year makes us do this. November seems very early Mike but I guess you must have a plan!

Hmm next year... oh yes top of the list, Have a BABY in April - lol.

The Secret

2008-11-10T23:02:00.000-08:00

There is a lot of talk everywhere about "The Secret". Apparently you can attract good things to yourself just by wanting them. It's absolute rubbish. Where does that leave the families of the school children whose school collapsed on them last week, or poor little Nia who was put in the dryer? No just wanting it does not work.

This does though.....

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6-7

Decision Making....

2008-11-03T17:23:00.000-08:00

I was talking to Mike the other day and he was telling me about how he had developed a tool to help people make decisions that incorporate awareness into why they are making decisions.

I think one of the greatest barriers to making choices is the fact that we are not aware of why we do them. All the stuff that we just have done over and over for what ever reason sort of propells us forward, like plodding down a well-worn path, you don't even notice where you are going!

One of the amazing things about having done (lots) of coaching, is that is makes you aware of why you are making choices, and sometimes even that you are making choices! it's like suddenly spotting a stile in the side of the path and through you go and there is a whole new view to go.

Empty Sections...

2008-11-03T16:59:00.000-08:00

On a busy street in Christchurch there is a large empty section (not this one in the picture!). The property developer went bust and so the land is lying fallow. But I have noticed over the last few months that weeds and flowers have grown over the piles of dirt and it is starting to look quite pretty.

I've been reading The Shack. It's amazing. Anyway there is a piece in the book where they are weeding this part of the garden which looks really pretty but they pull out the flowers because they are going to plant something else. And as I have been driving back and forwards down Brougham Street looking at the pretty weeds, I've been thinking about the things in my life that just fill up the space. They are just there because there was some space and so they could grow. One of the amazing things about finding myself pregnant is that it is really focussing my mind. I'm looking at all the things in my life and asking myself and God, do I really need this, is this really important? What should I be focussed on. And some perfectly good and lovely things are being uprooted and moved on. It's a really interesting space to be in.

Waiting room wisdom...

2008-10-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

This morning I spent two hours at the CWH Outpatients. Having a glucose tolerance test. Three blood tests and two hours waiting... oh yes and 75ml of evil green (why green?) glucose syrup. Anyway I used my time wisely by reading the lastest Next magazine (not the one in this picture) the November one. There has been a life coach writing all year I think and every now and then in a doctor's waiting room I read what she writes. It's good. Anyway she must have finished and instead they printed letters that people had written in about how the program had changed their lives. Here's a couple of great quotes....

"When who we are are aligns with what we do, life becomes extraordinary."

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

See? amazing!

A wise man once said...

2008-10-20T13:33:00.000-07:00

“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.”

Confucius

Don't worry..

2008-10-19T15:41:00.001-07:00

Having done all - stand!

2008-10-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

It feels weird to start a week and know that I'm not going to talk to Mike at all. It feels weird to be just accountable to myself in what I acheive. It feels weird to have the trainer wheels taken off. I can choose to sit by the road and think about it or I can hop on my shiny new bike (so to speak) and wobble off down the road.

I think I can, I think I can!

Going on by oneself...

2008-10-15T20:44:00.001-07:00

Character is what you do when no one else is looking.

Dr. Laura

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

2008-10-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

Today I'm having my last coaching session for a while. Maybe quite a while. We'll see. Having a coach is amazing. Sometimes it is amazingly hard, other times it's fantastic, but all the time you keep on making more progress than you would ever have made by yourself. Mike doesn't read this, but I just want to acknowledge that he has been such a fantastic support in the last twelve months as I have made many many changes in my life. Sometimes it is the things he doesn't say, or the things he just slips in (Mike does A LOT of talking) that make all the difference.

So Mike here are some things I've remembered, that have made a difference, things you probably didn't even notice saying...

When I said "I'm scared" and you said "I know" it gave me courage to be brave. Thanks.

When you said "It's still a horrible situation" it made me realise I had the power to change it. Thank you.

When you said... "Choose, I'll support you either way", then I made a choice. Thanks for not making it right/wrong/better than/less than/good/bad. (By the way that is my all time favourite thing that you say - right/wrong/better than/less than/good/bad! )

When you said "Which bit of the roller coaster are you on?" it made me see it wouldn't last for ever. it was a trip, not a journey. Thanks for the perspective.

When you said "I like David' it made me see him through your eyes. Thank you.

When you said "Take a deep breath" it made me realise how uptight I was and acknowledge I needed to make changes. Thank you.

When you said "Deb what if you created a monster yourself" it made me take responsibility.

When you said "Well my dear" it opened the possibility that I might be able to be liked.

Thanks Mike. Thanks for being the best Coach that I could possibly have had. You will probably never know how grateful I am that you showed me the life that was waiting for me all along.

Completion of a Coaching Series...

2008-10-14T17:53:00.000-07:00

Is is the finishing line....

Or the beginning of something new and exciting?

Moving on...

2008-10-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

Because of a few things, I've decided that now is probably a good time to stop working with Mike for now and stand on my own two feet for a while. I've had a ton of coaching now and made heaps of progress. I think its time to swim by myself for now. Especially now that I am pregnant and have a to-do list as long as my arm! I've got a deadline that is fixed (can't argue with a due date).

I've got my attitude sorted about this baby. I'm not going to go back to my old life, I'm going to go forward. I'm going to work and be mum! I've never done that before with a baby, but I think we can do it - David and I are going to share which is new too.

On holiday

2008-10-07T12:11:00.000-07:00

till monday! Off to get some sleep, finish some quilting projects and hang out with my family.

This is where I work...

2008-10-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

I am the messiest person in our office by a country mile. Actually its no competition. I have the biggest desk, about 2.5 x 1 metres and it is covered with stuff. This morning I think I will tackle this terrible mess, maybe a tidy desk will help produce a tidy mind!!

Struggle

2008-09-25T18:48:00.001-07:00

Gentleness...

2008-09-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Strength

2008-09-24T17:32:00.000-07:00

The last few days I have been thinking about becoming STRONG but not TOUGH! I think there is a real fine line there. I want to be strong and straight in my dealings with people, but I also want to balance that with compassion and grace. Otherwise the alternative is to be tough and cynical and I really don't want to go there. I wonder how one can keep aware of how we are dealing with those around us?

Feeling old?

2008-09-23T16:35:00.000-07:00

Oh my this picture is how I feel. I cannot believe how tired I am. All my get up and go has got up and left! On a good note, I have almost achieved all my actions for this week. Amazing! Little steps forward are definitely better than nothing.

Opportunities...

2008-09-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

James 1:2

"...when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy."

Irony...

2008-09-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks I have been struggling with the fact that I'm pregnant and how it will all pan out. I wonder what on earth God has in mind for us and how we will get through it. I'm concerned and anxious... I'm a bit upset with God. It seemed so random, to just fall pregnant... why now? Why not four years ago when I really really wanted it to happen??

Then on the weekend I hear that someone who was once very dear to me and who I've known all my life, has breast cancer. She is the same age as me, we used to do everything together, we even got married on the same day at the same time. How weird, how ironic.... one of us has new life and one of us faces the fight for life.

How can I be so shallow as to ask God why? Is He not sovereign? Have I not committed my life into His care and keeping? Why would I want to take it back and say I can do it better?

Isaiah 29:16
How foolish can you be?
He is the Potter, and he is certainly greater than you, the clay!
Should the created thing say of the one who made it,
“He didn’t make me”?
Does a jar ever say,
“The potter who made me is stupid”?

I seriously need to "get over myself" and get on with it!

A good start to the week...

2008-09-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

Matthew 6:13
And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.

Quitting?

2008-09-17T20:21:00.003-07:00

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

Lance Armstrong

Reality....

2008-09-17T20:21:00.002-07:00

sometimes it sucks!

What was I thinking.....

2008-09-17T20:21:00.001-07:00

Criteria for Friendship

2008-09-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

Listens and are interested
Loyal
Honest and respectful
Loves me
Supports me

Developing Mental Toughness

2008-09-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Mental toughness is an attitude to whatever is going on. Sometimes we just have to "tough it out". This is not a bad thing, it builds endurance. And as life is more of a marathon, than a sprint, endurance is a fantastic characteristic to have developed.

Everybody needs it. A mountaineer is a great example. It takes amazing fortitude and "mental toughness" to climb a mountain. It also takes preparation and planning. But once you are on the way, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of another and after a while... you are at the summitt.

In coaching there is a lot of talk about "visions" and "goals" and they are all well and good. But sometimes on a day to day basis, we just have to tough out the situation and know that it will pass and it will be worth it.

The good thing about this is that it is an accumlative process. You don't go back to square one with each new process, you get to build on what you learned last time.

This is actually a Bible principle, see here..

Romans 5:3-6
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us....

Accountability....

2008-09-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

I feel a bit of a fraud having a coach at the moment when I feel like I'm achieving so little. But the honest truth is that if I didn't have Mike and John to hold me accountable I would seriously not be getting any of my jobs done.

Accountability is a very powerful tool. It's about agreeing that you are going to do something and then knowing that the other person is going to ask you about it. Of course you could say, I don't care, but then I'd say that you have choosen the wrong person to be accountable to. You need someone that you know has your best interests at heart and is strong enough that you will listen to them.

It's a relationship based on trust and not fear. And it has the potential to be very powerful and to create powerful momentum going forward.

Procrastinate...

2008-09-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

This was in a newsletter sent to me.... the dictionary definition of procrastinate...

Procrastinate (pro-cras-ti-nate) - verb (used without object) to defer action; delay, 'procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.'

Always an answer...

2008-09-09T12:21:00.000-07:00

This morning I have a meeting first thing that is going to be challenging for us. I opened my Bible and started reading. This is what I read in Psalm 25....

Turn to me and have mercy,
For I am alone and in deep distress.
My problems go from bad to worse.
Oh, save me from them all!
Feel my pain and see my trouble.
Forgive all my sins.
See how many enemies I have
And how viciously they hate me!
Protect me! Rescue my life from them!
Do not let me be disgraced, for in you I take refuge.
May integrity and honesty protect me,
for I put my hope in you.

Yes that is a word to take you through any kind of day. Read it and enjoy!

What's so...

2008-09-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm over 9 weeks pregnant, it's more than time to find myself a midwife. Actually it's been way harder than I imagined, health care in NZ being what it is. I've been putting this off, even though I know you have to do it straight away, and although I knew it was because I'm challenged by this whole having another baby scenario, I felt like I was missing something. Sometimes when you are facing a challenge, it helps to know what it is.

Ok here it is...

I want a little baby who will look at us.

A baby who doesn't just cry and cry.

A child who can connect with us.

A child who will smile.

A child who will make baby noises.

A baby we can hug and cuddle.

A baby we can touch.

Nothing else matters. Is that too much to ask? And because this is what I want, I know I'm holding back on loving this baby in case he or she can't love us back. We've been there and it's hard, hard, hard.

Turning Forty...

2008-09-06T20:23:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'm going to be forty! Yes 40. This time last year I was not to keen on the idea of being 40. I felt like there was a heap more things I wanted to do before I turned 40. But, that's ok because in the last 12 months I have left behind the unready me and discovered that I'm ok. I've discovered a powerful version of myself, hidden away in a space that I didn't know I had.

I've never been one to do nothing... Primarily I've been a mum for the last 16 years. I've baked hundreds of cakes and biscuits, I've read stories, walked by the river and fed the ducks. I've cooked hundreds of dinners, changed countless wet beds, I held a little boy for three years while he cried, I've made play dough, done finger painting and written spelling words on children's tummy's! I've taught heaps of people to be creative, I've listened to people talk. I've sung silly songs and made up stories. I've made lots of quilts to comfort, encourage and keep people warm.

I've been a Champion Centre mum and done all sorts of therapy with my kids. I know heaps about child development now!

I've done all sorts of things, now I work with Russell to run our Painting and Decorating company. I write things like Health and Safety Policy and develop and Human Resources Manual.

It's funny though, I haven't changed the world. I'm not famous (not that I intended to be), I'm about as ordinary as you can get, but I'm completely at peace with the journey I'm on now. I'm not scared. As I head into the next stage of my life (which includes another baby) I'm up for the adventure. What ever comes, it will be ok. My life is safe. Thank you God, I'm on the right path and I'm in safe hands - Yours ....

“See, I am sending an angel before you to protect you on your journey and lead you safely to the place I have prepared for you." Exodus 23:20

A journey is not something you do by yourself... thanks Mum and Dad for being there for me, thanks to my good friends Shenleigh, Liz, Charise, Jo, Barbara-Anne for giving me a kick when I need it and a laugh when I need that too! Thanks Jeremy, Sharyn and Jo for teaching me to love. Thanks to Russell for having the courage to join the crew and thanks for Jocelyn for always being there. Thanks to John for your patience and confidence and thanks to Mike for being so bossy.

But best of all thanks for David who believed in me and loved me first of all and to my three special kids who taught me how to have fun!

I can't wait to be 40 now and to enjoy the next stage of my life.

Hurray

2008-09-04T18:21:00.000-07:00

This may seem a bit shallow but anyway....

it's the weekend! How good is that? We can sleep in, work on some projects that aren't work and hang out with our family. Don't forget to look for the signs of spring and enjoy some sunshine.

Asking for help!

2008-09-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

In my working day, I am constantly coming across situations where someone asks for help, just because they can't be bothered thinking of their own solution. It's so frustrating. I want to tell them to toughen up, start thinking for themselves and become solutions focused.

Somehow I don't think this is something that can be taught. I think that some people just are able to work out a problem, and other people make their problems, your problem. It's a real challenge to develop a workplace where people can get help when they need it, but can also just push forward to sort out their own problems.

There is another whole bunch of people who won't ask for help of course. It's that Southern Man thing, you know, I don't need anyone to help me, I can do it myself. Actually I've had three children (so far) who were born with that attitude.

This is also not that helpful. Sometimes you do just need to ask for help, it's not a bad thing. It makes me think that we need the right mix of ingredients in our workplace to balance the finding your own solution with asking for help when you need it. Maybe some of these things....

Being able to make mistakes without being criticised
Being able to take a bit longer on something new
Being able to work along side someone who is more experienced
Knowing that you can always ask a question
Having the flexibility to be able to try something new and now be forced to do it a particular way
Knowing that you won't be judged if it's not quite right

I'd like to think that we are developing a culture in our company where people can learn and grow. It's one of our core values and its really really important to us. In fact I won't employ someone who doesn't have their own dreams and goals for their life.

Having a dream, a vision or a goal is why people get out of bed in the morning, and being able to ask for help will help them get there faster.

Actions

2008-09-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

Actions are like hand grips on the rock face. Even if you can't quite see where you are going, you just look up for the next one and grab it, then once you have mastered that, reach for the next one.

Even if you don't have a coach there are other systems out there to help you move forward. For a while David was keen on the SMI stuff, which helped develop your own set of goals and to-do lists.

The trick to having a list of actions is to commit to them, and one of the best ways to do this is if you tell someone else what you are planning to do. Then there is always that great loss of face

scenario when they ask you how you are doing as you run 10K every day or whatever. Have a look at the Discomfort Zone and see what Tim signed up for. He (crazy man) has gone public on his blog with what seems an impossible list of things he's going to give up for 30 days. The incentive? all of us who read his blog are going to give him so much stick when he falls of the wagon!!

So what ever you choose, a coach, a friend, a list stuck to the fridge, ACTIONS are a simple way to keep momentum moving forward. I must say that this works really well if you are feeling a bit below par, it helps to make progress inspite of how you might feel physically.

Stepping up...

2008-09-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

Life is a progression, maybe round in circles, maybe backwards, maybe onwards and upwards. But staying static is not an option. (If you disagree, look in the mirror at the wrinkles, grey hairs, or no hair depending on your age/gender, and other inescapable signs of the moving forward process.)

One of the amazing things about having a coach is that is makes this process visible. Otherwise you can tick along living your life, not taking into account if you are going forwards or backwards or just plain round in circles.

As you work towards your goal you experience "resistance" (which feels like being a completely failure for a while) but as you look at what happened and what you did (this is called finding the learnings) then you can see your way clear about what to do next.

At this point, you have a choice. Am I happy to stay where I am, in my newly developed comfort zone, or do I want to step up. Personally I think I always choose stepping up. sometimes I make a bit of a mess of it, but once I can recognise it for what it is, I'm up for the challenge. (To be honest sometimes i need the proverbial kick you-know-where)

I've bleated on and on in here about setting boundaries and stuff, but this week I've actually been busy putting it into practice. As soon as you know what your expectations are for the situation, then you can set a boundary. One thing I noticed is that sometimes this means you have to push away a bit, and other times it means letting others come in a bit closer.

In fact one of the best things I've discovered is that once you know where your boundaries are, it makes life less of a battle, the struggle disappears and instead you can have effortless relationships on any level that you choose.

In my dealings with my colleagues it works differently to my dealings with my staff, and with my friends, again different. But the same basis is working for me every time. Once I know what the base line is and the expectation, then it is a piece of cake to work out where the boundaries should lie. In some relationships you equally share responsibility, in others you hold people accountable. Also sometimes you just allow people to follow their own process and recognise that it doesn't effect you.

Thanks to Mike who wrote out for me the boundaries of our Coaching relationship and showed me the way to use this tool to work out the rest of my life.

The boundaries as a parent are different of course, but being a parent who is sick changes things too. The best thing for me as a working parent this week has been that because I'm feeling physically unwell, at the end of the day I just lie on the sofa and the kids come and snuggle up to me and we just hang out (Piha Rescue is back on - hurray!) I'm much more aware of what the kids are up to and where they are at, just because I'm there with them. My stepping back from doing stuff has allowed both the elder children, but particularly James to stepped up and he now has the opportunity to shine and is really playing his part as a functioning member of our family.

Watching James this week and reflecting on it, shows me that as I function within my own boundaries, it gives others around me to step up also. On the work front my dealings with a misbehaving staff member has shown up his inexcusable bad behaviour. Normally I would have let him away with it, but by drawing a line, a whole lot of behaviours have become visible to all of us (and hopefully to himself!)

I can't believe what a difference it's made. I love being able to step up!

A small complaint...

2008-09-02T13:33:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been run over by a steam roller. How can something so small make you feel so dodgy? Last night I went to bed at 5 and managed to stay away till 7 when I fell asleep. But sleeping does not fix the problem. Aaaah. I have too many projects and things on the go, how can I keep motivated?

I am excited to be having a baby, believe me, but gosh I feel like crap!

Good things come in surprise packages!

2008-08-30T23:02:00.000-07:00

I wrote this when I first found out (I just published it) but this kind of news can be told over and over. Yes it's true, I'm going to have another baby. I'm going to turn 40 next week, I have grey hair and bifocals, but who cares? I'm happy to grow my heart to love another person into our family.

We've told our family this weekend and our friends, and we've had mixed reactions (someone told me I was stupid!!!) but although we are surprised, we are ready to open our hearts to the possibilities. We know that every child that comes into your family adds their own flavour and love and that we wouldn't be without any of them. Yes I'm older, but hopefully I'm wiser!

Yes our home will be a circus... four kids, two dogs and three cats. But our home was never going to be boring. I've always said that the best thing you can do for your kids is have more kids and now I'm getting to put this into practise.

I grew up in a family with a big age gap between kids, and we loved our little sisters with a passion. My brother and I agree that the girls were the best thing that happened to us, so I know that this little one will be great for our kids too.

Grounded in purpose...

2008-08-27T19:00:00.000-07:00

A while back I stumbled across a blog by Rev Thom, and every now and again I flick across to it and read his sermons. On August 13, he wrote a sermon called "Grounded in Purpose" where he talks about living our lives "a middle way, a response not grounded in reaction but grounded in purposeful living: The response of continuing to live meaningfully. The doing of what needs to be done."

He finishes the sermon with this...
"Let’s keep changing lives with our welcome. Let’s keep changing minds with our good news. Let’s keep changing hearts with our acceptance and our love. Let’s keep changing our community and our world one minute at a time, one day at a time, one new face at a time.Here we are very clear. You do not need to be afraid to be who you are! You do not need to be ashamed to love who you love! Do not be afraid to be who you are! Do not be ashamed to live beautifully upon this earth. We are glad you are here. We are glad you are here. We are glad you are here. We are glad you are here."

Living with intention is a new concept to me, although unconsciously I've always lived my life this way. Now I'm doing it with purpose and intention... and it seems a more powerful way to be!

Signalling your turns...

2008-08-27T01:50:00.000-07:00

I've been reading my new book "Life is a Verb" from Patti of 37 days (click on her blog on the right). Anyway last week I had a situation to where I didn't tell anybody how I felt about something but some how it sort of leaked out anyhow (and not in a good way) and there was misunderstanding, hurt, tears, beating oneself up, you know all the stuff. On the weekend I read the chapter about Signalling your turns (you can read it here) where Patti tells a story about driving around in her car and people being upset with her, but not knowing why. And the reason was because her indicators weren't working!

A light went on in my sad little brain and I realised that I don't signal my turns. It makes complete sense. Then I've had a talk or three this week with Mike about setting boundaries and such like and it all fits in together.

Unless we signal to others our intentions and our plans and maybe our challenges, they won't know why we react in a certain way, and they won't know what to expect. Also they won't know what our expectations are. Like all insights, its blindingly obvious once you realise.

So I ask myself how can I signal my turns, unless... I know where I'm going!

Lucky I have a plan then! (they're called GOALS)

Capital Letters

2008-08-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

I hate being called "Deborah", it makes my skin crawl! Deborah is the name of someone I used to be. I also hate being called "Deb's" like I'm plural. For the longest time when I told someone my name I used to call my self "Debbie" but I actually hate that too. I'm not her any more either. I like being Deb. I love it when people call me Deb. It's short and to the point and I feel comfortable with that. For the last few months I've been consciously trying to tell people that's what to call me. After all, hearing your own name is supposed to be good for you, so why not hear a name you like!

But I usually sign myself with a small d, not a capital D. deb not Deb. I think it's time to change that too. I am actually a real person, a proper noun, I'm Deb. Be afraid, be very afraid - just kidding!

Anyway this is a bit challenging for me, so that's why I'm committing myself to it. From now on I'm Deb with a Capital D. Thanks very much.

Deb :)

Being free...

2008-08-26T20:55:00.001-07:00

Memo to self: You can't fly if you are anchored to the ground, you have to let go of all the things that are holding you back and supposedly keeping you safe... that's the only way to see how high you can really go!

Is there a difference...

2008-08-26T20:46:00.000-07:00

Between Denial and Inertia? Or are they the same! Let's see. I think being in denial is about pretending that something is not going to happen, or maybe also about not wanting to face the consequences of that thing going to happen. Inertia is about just not moving forward, doing nothing.

Hmmm, I think they are the same!

The trick with both of these states is not to stay there forever! Maybe it's ok to give yourself permission for a while. Actually I think it is part of the human process of adjusting to something momentus, either good or bad. It's like when you have an accident or an operation and your body goes into shock. It's just the body's way of coping with how it feels. Being in denial is like your emotion's way of getting to grips with a big change. Like the tv ad, it won't happen over night, but it will happen.

Why not, for a change, not fight the process. Just let it go and see what happens. I don't know if there is any advantage in forcing yourself to move forward faster, somehow it becomes way to easy to just stuff down how you feel. Coming out of denial is partly about feeling those feelings, accepting thats so, and making choices around that.

No point being in denial about being in denial!! just get it out and get on with it. That's how it is, what next?

Stepping Up

2008-08-26T20:42:00.001-07:00

Ok so I've had a big talk with my coach Mike, and I feel like something has shifted. He sent me a document redefining the boundaries of the coaching relationship and in one email completely freed me from my unnecessary fears, expectations, judgements and just general stuff that was clouding my way. I felt like I suddenly had lift off and all the other stuff in the back ground didn't really matter anymore. He also hit me up about my used of the word "scared" and suggested that i use the word "challenged" instead. What a difference that makes. It completely changes my perspective. I'm always up for a challenge, but not for something scary! (Remember the roller coaster!!!)

These two things, which in themselves might not seem large, have actually helped me move forward a huge amount. A few weeks ago after the meltdown, I wrote about putting up the fence and erecting scaffolding and being able to move forward and I actually feel like I've starting building now. For ages I've been faffing about digging up the foundations and laying new ones and getting the materials, but now I'm away. The building is going up.

In the past....

I operated from a basis of fear
I tried to live to other people's expectations
I put my own opinions last
I didn't think it mattered
I let my friends say nasty things to me
I let myself be intimidated
I was scared

Now I'm empowered to move forward! This is great....

bring it on!

Being Real

2008-08-26T20:29:00.001-07:00

Loads of stuff has happened lately and I haven't been writing much in here. Yesterday I spent the morning in a seminar working towards our Gold Audit for Enviromark learning about Environmental management systems etc. One of the very interesting things that the guy showed us was this. Its a progression that we needed to work through so that the new policies are ingrained into our companies, but as I listened I could see how it works with the coaching process also. So it starts here...

Unconscious – Incompetent then goes to

Conscious - Incompetent then

Conscious - Competent then finally the goal of....

Unconscious - Competent!

I think this works with the goals and stuff that I work towards, that I want them to be part of who I actually am. I just need to step up now as I know heaps more about myself but I still feel like a faker! And I think that I've come to the point where it is about me actually taking responsibility for actually being me and being able to react to people from that position, rather than from a position of being constantly on the back foot. I suppose the challenge for me there is to be confident enough in my position that I can hold myself and those around me accountable to that. Instead of being a weather vane, I want to be a barometer. Instead of being a kite, I want to be a windmill. Like Pinocchio who wanted to be a real boy, he had to just learn his lessons and make good choices!

I'm challenged by this! But I can see that it is the only way to actually make progress. The first thing I need to work out is how to stop being intimidated by other people around me. Questions I'm asking myself are...

Why is it that I let them get to me?

Why do I give my power away?

What makes me think they are so much better than me?

Why don't my opinions count in my own mind?

Why do I let them scare me?

Becoming real!

2008-08-25T21:13:00.000-07:00

I think its way to easy to live a life according to other people's expectations of us. I find myself watching their reactions and acting accordingly. Its tricky to actually say what i actually think and to do what i actually want to.Pinocchio became real by being good, learning his lessons and loving others. He kept on being distracted but finally got to his goal. Sounds easy doesn't it!

Challenge...

2008-08-25T13:21:00.000-07:00

Main Entry: 1chal·lenge
Pronunciation: \ˈcha-lənj\
Function: Verb
Inflected Form(s): chal·lenged; chal·leng·ing
Etymology: Middle English chalengen to accuse, from Anglo-French chalenger, from Latin calumniari to accuse falsely, from calumnia calumny
Date: 13th century

to demand as due or deserved : require
to order to halt and prove identity
to dispute especially as being unjust, invalid, or outmoded : impugn
to question formally the legality or legal qualifications of
a: to confront or defy boldly : dare
b: to call out to duel or combat
c: to invite into competition
to arouse or stimulate especially by presenting with difficulties
to administer a physiological and especially an immunologic challenge to (an organism or cell)

Clarity...

2008-08-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

1 Corinthians 13:11-12

Pain

2008-08-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.

Henry J. Kaiser

2008-08-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

You don’t realize how much you care about someone until they don’t care about you.

Questions you shouldn't ask yourself...

2008-08-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

Why should I bother?

What is the point?

Is this worth it?

Am I banging my head on the wall for nothing?

Who cares anyhow?

Why does this happen to me?
What have I done wrong?

What's the use?

Why am I so useless?

Why can't I do this?

What am I stuck in this hole?

How did I get to this point?

How did this happen?

What did I do to deserve this?

Am I so useless?

Am I ever going to get any where?

Why should I care?

Instead remember this...

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! (Hebrews 12:1-3)

Life is a verb...

2008-08-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture of me (obviously) with my new book from 37 days! Can't wait to read it... Patti is amazing, click on her blog it's really really inspirational.

Is sorry not enough?

2008-08-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

So I sent someone an email, just flicked it off without thinking much. Silly me. The person was majorly offended, oh my, so so so offended! I was stunned and shocked. My intention had never been to offend, honestly. I was thoughtless. I was wrong. I am sorry. so Sorry. What if sorry is not enough? where does that leave me?

It's like ripples in a pond... it just keeps spreading out and I don't know how to fix it.

Where does this leave me? and them?

Responsibility

2008-08-19T15:59:00.001-07:00

You can choose to be happy or sad and whichever you choose that is what you get. No one is really responsible to make someone else happy, no matter what most people have been taught and accept as true.

Sidney Madwed

Forgiveness

2008-08-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven,
but dwelling on it separates close friends

Proverbs 17:9

A Proverb...

2008-08-18T22:01:00.000-07:00

A gentle response defuses anger,

but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.

Fighting shadows....

2008-08-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

I've been watching

I've been waiting

In the shadows all my time

I've been searching

I've been living

For tomorrows all my life

I've been watching

I've been waiting

I've been searching

I've been living for tomorrows

Rasmus

did I make progress?

2008-08-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

What I achieved....

Price job in woodend that I stuffed up on Friday
Make appointment to price job in Papanui
Send out 10 letters I typed on Friday
Organise marketing list ready for this week.
Make appointment with DMB to sort odds and sodds there.
Take quilt to my cousin Karen
Pick up three quilts from Verina
Make phone calls and organise work for tomorrow
Had session with Mike
Make Katrina's present
Sorted timetable for Chrissy's next block

Still to do...

Talk to Bonnie and try and print the client list for Harry.
Write KPI report for this week, and file all archive ones from my desk.
Contact Resthome re payment for Aunty Jean.
Work out where I'm at to with Enviromark
Contact Interior Designers to arrange meeting

How to have a conversation with a teenager in an emotional state!

2008-08-17T14:11:00.000-07:00

Last week I had a conversation with my teenager when she was in an emotional state. I was, undoubtedly the worst mother in the world and she hated me! But I realised that this was not about me, but about how she was feeling, so I kept asking questions....

Whats the worst that could happen?
What else could happen?
What is the worst that could happen there?
How do you feel about that?
What else do you feel?
Do you want to do anything about that?
How does that align with your personal values?
Do you really think it will be that bad?
Whats the worst that could happen?
Is that really a bad thing?
Can you open your heart to possibility?
Is there any thing good you can see in this?

And so she got to let it all out, the whole lot, without being judged. And in the morning I wasn't such a bad mother after all!

Tasks for today...

2008-08-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

It's monday morning and I'm feeling tired. I feel like someone has pulled out my stopper and my energy is leaking out!I'm still me, but just a less robust version. I've got some things I really want to achieve today, so I thought if I write them down, maybe I'll make some progress towards getting them done!

Dinner is on and two children have gone to school. One is lying on the sofa soon to be joined by the daddy who is sick also. The washing machine is ticking along, and some effort has been put into making the place look a bit tidier. So the home front will be fine.

My office tasks are:

Price job in woodend that I stuffed up on Friday
Make appointment to price job in Papanui
Send out 10 letters I typed on Friday
Organise marketing list ready for this week.
Talk to Bonnie and try and print the client list for Harry.
Write KPI report for this week, and file all archive ones from my desk.
Make appointment with DMB to sort odds and sodds there.
Contact Resthome re payment for Aunty Jean.

And finally I need to visit my cousin today who is over from Australia, pick up three quilts from Verina and make Katrina a birthday present.

Hmmm, best I get going then.

2008-08-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 29:11

2008-08-14T17:01:00.000-07:00

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope...

Open your heart to possibilities...

2008-08-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

This beautiful picture of the seasons reminds me to rejoice in whatever season I am in! A few weeks ago at camp, that was the topic and now I can see that I'm really going to need to do that. My heart is open to possibilities right now!!

New Beginnings

2008-08-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

Isn't it weird how a big opportunity can feel like the end of the world - as you know it. Suddenly all the things you were fighting and juggling seem safe and secure as you gaze into the future! This week I spent $7 and got the most amazing news of my life. Here I am about to turn 40, with a 15 yr old, 12 yr old and a 6 yr old. I have gray hair and bifocals and a hip replacement. But...

I'm pregnant!

Yes I'm stunned, shocked and amazed! I wanted to pretend it wasn't going to happen (after all I have given birth three times already). But I am opening my heart to the possibilities. It is never a mistake to have a baby, especially in the context of an existing marriage and family. Every child that comes into your family adds an extra dimension. I am terrified, I am in awe, I am amazed. I'm excited.

It is a miracle!

2008-08-13T18:34:00.001-07:00

2008-08-13T18:31:00.001-07:00

Enough...

2008-08-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----
From: deb@davidrobertson.co.nz [mailto:deb@davidrobertson.co.nz]
Sent: Saturday, 9 August 2008 8:21 a.m.
To: Mike Kennedy
Subject: Maybe

I've recently started doing yoga at QE2 and the teacher says you go to the place of pain then you just breathe and gradually your body can go further. But you don't have to do anything just hold the pose and breathe. Maybe that's where we are at right now! Shall we stop fighting it?

-----Original Message-----

From: Mike Kennedy (Clarity) [mailto:addsvalue@xtra.co.nz]

Sent: Tuesday, 12 August 2008 11:45 p.m.

To: deb@davidrobertson.co.nz

Subject: RE: Maybe

Great analogy!

How does this give you an edge in what you are trying to achieve?

Warm regards,

Mike Kennedy
Clarity.
Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone!

Mobile: 021 335 908
Skype: addsvalue2
email: addsvalue@xtra.co.nz
blog: http://www.addsvalue.blogspot.com/

Well, I think that this puts you in control of what's happening! Well that's the plan anyhow....

Balance...

2008-08-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

I soon found out you can't change the world. The best you can do is to learn to live with it.

Henry Miller

hope

2008-08-11T18:22:00.001-07:00

If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

2008-08-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

“Success is not a place at which one arrives but rather the spirit with which one undertakes and continues the journey.”

Alex Noble

2008-08-10T14:59:00.001-07:00

Hope...

2008-08-10T14:53:00.000-07:00

Jesus, Lover of my soul,

Jesus, I will never let you go

You’ve taken me from the miry clay

You've set my feet upon the Rock,

and now i know

I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall,
I’ll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end

2008-08-07T18:05:00.000-07:00

Whats next?

2008-08-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

It's really easy to just put up a brick wall and do nothing, but that's not going to help anyone. The best thing to do is put up a temporary fence like this one. I stopped and took a photo of it today. It's been erected around the new stand for the AMI Stadium. It's there to let the workers work and keep the passers by safe! The fence is a boundary holding all the works inside.

The next step to a re-build, is some scaffolding, structure to enable the workers to access all the different levels and make the changes necessary.

Some of the scaffolding I've put in place this week are...

Set some boundaries with people so that I don't have to deal with EVERYTHING
Got some jobs done that were hanging over my head and bogging me down
Finished work earlier (no more late night emails)
Thought about what I really want to happen
Looked at my new goals
Got some extra sleep

Sticking Accelerator

2008-08-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, I was thinking that heading for a melt-down is like having a stuck accelerator! It's jammed on and you can't seem to stop it. Here's an article about what to do if your accerlator is stuck. I think it has some real parallels to real life!

A stuck accelerator is a driving emergency that will cause your speed to keep increasing ...
The first thing is to brake firmly to counteract the effects of acceleration. In a rear wheel drive car you could consider using the parking brake (note: only do this if it is hand operated).
Look well ahead, avoiding the temptation look down at the pedal to see the problem. Even if you can see the pedal the problem is probably somewhere else - in the linkage or engine management system for example.

Change into neutral. Your brakes should now slow you down. In many cars the 'rev limiter' will stop the engine as soon as it starts to 'over rev' (see the warning below about stopped engines). An alternative is to switch off the engine without selecting neutral - but see the warning below.
Aim for your safe stopping position (make sure you know what is happening all around, especially on multi-lane roads).

As soon as possible - and when the car has slowed down - stop the engine (switch off). Beware, that turning off the engine will disable your power steering and reduce the efficiency of servo assisted brakes. Another danger is that turning the key too far can activate the steering lock.

Stay calm - stay safe!

Just by the way...

2008-08-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

Ok, yes i did take a photo of myself! but these are my new glasses! I now have the modern version of bi-focals, which means I can type and look up and still see - bonus! The novelty has not worn off yet, plus they are a bit stronger than the last ones so I can see the leaves on the trees again, and notice the hair on my children's head! Clarity is a wonderful thing.

You've got to watch this...

2008-08-04T23:30:00.001-07:00

PS

2008-08-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

Once things have fallen apart, it seems to take heaps more energy just to hold things together. Oh my goodness, how hard is it to function and put that smile on, when you are in pieces?? You have to put strong fences up and big walls just to keep on doing the daily stuff. Bury the pain deep inside.

How to have a meltdown

2008-08-04T01:37:00.001-07:00

One of the best ways to stage a melt down is to keep on day after day being overcommitted. As well as this, you must take on more than you can do and let people take advantage of you on a regular basis. It is important that you don't acknowledge how you feel about this, and especially important that you keep on smiling and don't hurt other's feelings by letting them know that you are feeling upset. It's quite easy to go on like this for ages, but if you want to have a proper meltdown, it is a good idea to add some emotional stress and some conflict into the mix and if possible stop doing things that you like so that you can add more responsibilities into the mess you are making.

Then, at the point of exhaustion, let someone talk you into going away for a weekend somewhere. It helps if there are a few caring people around if you trust. Remove all traces of routine and responsibility. Open your heart to possibility of hearing God's voice to you. Be aware of His presence. Listen to a speaker talk about embracing the season you are in....

A melt-down is virtually guaranteed!

But beware, once the melt-down has begun, you have little control over the process. Resist the temptation to fight it. You may cry and cry and cry (a box of tissues is essential). You may feel angry, sad, powerless, hopeless or all of the above. You can not speed up or slow down the process. It is a natural process, it just happens. Don't fight it. It does help if you say out loud what is happening to you; sometimes as you keep talking you will find the real reason for why you are melting down. It may surprise you.

Oh and one other thing, once you have shared the reality of how you feel, you may feel exposed, which means that you are more vulnerable than ever. Maybe too vulnerable, be careful. You are precious. Listen to the lessons of your heart. A melt-down is the door to the possibility that you can make changes.

Trust the process!

Sadness..

2008-08-03T18:52:00.001-07:00

We ask God to forgive us for our evil thoughts and evil temper,

but rarely, if ever ask Him to forgive us for our sadness.

2008-08-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

A weekend retreat...

2008-08-02T22:13:00.000-07:00

I went on a weekend to Living Springs, a lovely conference and accomodation centre high on the hills of Governor's Bay with a view across to the Lyttleton Heads. I went with the women from Grace (the church our family calls home). The topic for the weekend was "Encounter" as in finding God with us. This is the verse...

For a tree there is always hope.
Chop it down and it still has a chance—
Its roots can put out fresh sprouts.
Even if its roots are old and gnarled,
Its stump long dormant,
At the first whiff of water it comes to life,
Buds and grows like a sapling.

Job 14: 7-9

As I was driving over I was talking to God about how I felt. I said, God I feel broken china, please put me back together. But actually what happened was that I really came in pieces. I literally cried all weekend. (I wasn't the only one!) I have cried and cried and cried. I have talked to someone I trust, I accepted that I can't keep going. I have to make changes.

I really really wanted to be put back together before I came home, but that didn't happen. The speaker was talking about embracing the season of our life, even if it is the season of pain. I can see that embracing the season, and feeling the pain, will enable me to make the changes I need.

Watch this space!

A day off...

2008-07-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

Today I've had a day off, well after a disciplinary meeting with one of my staff! I worked first thing, then sneaked my sewing machine and my project out the house and off to Shenleigh's for the day. I pulled apart a project that wasn't working, remade it into something that does and almost finished it. These are the picture of the wallhanging.

I feel lighter, because the thing that wasn't working is gone now. I'm free to create something else...

I wonder if there's any lessons here for the rest of my life. Me thinks there is!!

Multi choice Options...

2008-07-29T00:56:00.000-07:00

Option 1

Option 2...Option 3...

I don't wanna talk...

2008-07-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

I dont wanna talk about the things we've gone through
Though its hurting me now its history
Ive played all my cards and thats what you've done too
Nothing more to say, no more ace to play
The winner takes it all

The loser standing small beside the victory
Thats her destiny I was in your arms thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense building me a fence
Building me a home thinking Id be strong there
But I was a fool playing by the rules
The gods may throw a dice their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here loses someone dear
The winner takes it all the loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain, why should I complain.
(from Mamma Mia)

Worst Case Scenario...

2008-07-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday someone told me their worst case scenario about our situation at work, and then it came true! How uncanny is that? Now what... ??

Feelings....

2008-07-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

This is what being wrong waiting to happen feels like...

This is what feeling like you've had enough feels like...

This is what being in a place where you aren't resourceful feels like....

This is what feeling like you've got no where to go feels like...

Am tired of this up hill battle....

2008-07-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

Letter to our friends...

2008-07-26T13:03:00.001-07:00

Our friends are expecting their second child. A few weeks ago they found out that she had something wrong with her and spent the last two weeks waiting for the amnio results. They talked with their friends and family and asked themselves all the tricky questions. On Friday, they found out that it was a girl, and that she had Downes Syndrome, but also sadly that she has died. This is what I want to say to them (I don't know if I will)....

Dear friends....
We're so so sorry that you have lost your beautiful baby girl. We know how much you were looking forward to meeting her. We know that she will always be part of your family and who you are. Just in the short time she has been part of you, she has changed you forever. You will never be the same again. As you considered walking down the unfamiliar paths, and as you considered what the future might hold... those lessons and this time will shape who you are in the future. Thank you for having the courage to ask all the hard questions of yourselves and each other over the last few weeks. Thank you for opening your hearts to accept the possibility of having a special special child in your family. Even though your hearts were breaking, you kept your faith and your love in each other and in God.

There is nothing that we can say to make this better for you. We are so sorry. We pray the peace of God that passes understanding will fill your home as you name and say good bye to your precious daughter. We know that you will never forget her, and we won't either.

With all our love
David and Deb xxxx

Loving...

2008-07-26T12:53:00.001-07:00

Last night I went to see the movie Mamma Mia! It's a great movie – it's full of great songs and loveable characters! It made me realise that loving someone is about taking a risk. To really experience love, you have to risk everything! You know it's probably not that deep and meaningful a movie, but its a fun night out. But even so, I came home wondering how much risk I take when I love someone? How much of myself do I give? How much do I hold back?

If you want to learn about loving without holding back, go and watch Mamma Mia! There you'll see characters who hold nothing back. I enjoyed it!

Banking Learnings....

2008-07-25T20:41:00.001-07:00

Hi Mike,
This week I learned that if you accept how you feel about what someone says to you, and actually notice how it makes you feel, then that creates the energy and momentum you need to deal to their bad behaviour, whereas if you just stuff the feelings down inside you somewhere, you loose any possibility of setting a boundary!

Does that make any sense?
deb